dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
