So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
