You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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