Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My penis needs a shock collar
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
