she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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