We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
