why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He felt like a one man threesome
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
