my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
