im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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