This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
