Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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