Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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