I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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