no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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