I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
