Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
