Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
