May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
kristin has been a bad kristin
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
