he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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