woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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