I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
