Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
