I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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