I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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