hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
