maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
