i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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