Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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