Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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