I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
