Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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