I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
