TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
