mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
