How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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