Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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