I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
