He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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