I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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