Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Two words: nipple clamps
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