Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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