My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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