I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
