My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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