I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize