Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
