If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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