And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
