i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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