I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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