It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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