ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is wine microwaveable?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
