I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
