I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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