Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
