4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
