oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
