As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
