I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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