he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
