My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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