God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
