and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
