I heard we made out
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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