i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
