It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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