what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize