I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
