Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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