you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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