woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
