It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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