i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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