someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
